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Helping Children and Families: Coping with Grief

Whether the loss is a grandparent, a parent, a classmate or even a beloved family pet, the grieving process can be difficult for children. This can be related to personality as well as developmental age. Knowing what to say and how to support children during this time isn’t easy. It is likely that we, too, are grieving and trying to process our own emotions. We can’t prevent children from loss and the pain we can play a major role in helping them feel secure and cope in the healthiest way possible.

Tips for helping children to process and cope with loss:

If possible, the person closes to the child should notify the child of someone’s death, even if that person is also grieving. It is okay if the person sharing the news is sad or crying, but they shouldn’t be so overwhelmed that they don’t have control over her emotions.
There’s no perfect time to share the news. Children should be told as soon as possible, within reason.
Be thoughtful about where to have the conversation. You want to tell your child about the death somewhere where they can feel free to have whatever reaction they are going to have.
Try to use direct language and be prepared to give a brief explanation of how or why the death occurred because children will be curious.The kinds of questions and concerns that children have can be very different from those of adults, so it’s best to let them ask questions and answer in an age-appropriate way.
Make sure children know that they will still be provided for and well taken care of.
Everyone grieves in their own way, including children.Allow them to grieve in a way that works for them.
Encourage your children to express their feelings.Allow children see you express your feelings, including letting them see you cry.
Maintain open communication and active listening. Ask children open-ended questions like, “What do you think?” or, “How are you feeling?” Reassure children that this will take time to process and let them know they can always come back to you with questions or just to talk about the loved one who has died.
In the case of the death of a parent, no matter what the child’s age, professional counseling is recommended.
Maintain normal routines as much as possible. Grief takes time but children benefit from the security of regular routines and knowing that life goes on.
Memorialize the person who died. Remembering is part of grieving and part of healing.
Reach out to the child’s teacher and/or school counselor.
Funerals, wakes and memorial services are an important part of the grieving process, however a child should never be forced to attend a funeral. If a child indicates that they want to go, then they should be encouraged to do so, but you should prepare them for what they will see.This applies for online funerals and memorial services as well.
Take care of yourself too.Be willing to accept support and help during your time of grief.